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| Never again. Never ever again. |
This is the adventure that started it all. I was splitting time between Hammond and Shreveport in the process of changing jobs, and the weekly commute brought me through Alexandria. Called William: "You want to go for a run this week? I'll be coming through Alec."
Mid run, me: "Isn't that the Red River?" Will: "Yeah." Me: "I run by the Red River in Shreveport. I wonder how long it would take to kayak from Shreveport to Alexandria on that river?" Will: "Don't know."
There is a danger of suggesting anything to William Albritton that could pose a challenge.
Email from William Albritton to Josh Clayton, Patrick Reesby, and Trey Touchstone, July 15, 2008:
I included people on this email I thought may be interested in doing the following-which is not many. Forward to anyone else that may do this.
I’d like to kayak down the Red River from Shreveport to Alexandria. Clayton, you mentioned this the other day and may have been joking. Regardless, if I can get someone to do it with me I’m going to do it. I’d like to go on one of the next few weekends. This will be hard but fun (that’s what she said).
The length of the river is about 120-130 miles from Shrev. to Alex. I don’t know how fast a kayak travels but we would be going with the flow of the river so I think we go 10 miles an hour which would make the trip 12 hours. We could leave on a Saturday morning around 6am from Shrev. Worst case, it may take longer and require sleeping on a beach and finishing Sunday. The only obstacle would be one lock and dam in Colfax but we could either pass though it or walk around it. You can get a kayak for around $200 or borrow one.
Let me know if you’re interested.
I’d like to kayak down the Red River from Shreveport to Alexandria. Clayton, you mentioned this the other day and may have been joking. Regardless, if I can get someone to do it with me I’m going to do it. I’d like to go on one of the next few weekends. This will be hard but fun (that’s what she said).
The length of the river is about 120-130 miles from Shrev. to Alex. I don’t know how fast a kayak travels but we would be going with the flow of the river so I think we go 10 miles an hour which would make the trip 12 hours. We could leave on a Saturday morning around 6am from Shrev. Worst case, it may take longer and require sleeping on a beach and finishing Sunday. The only obstacle would be one lock and dam in Colfax but we could either pass though it or walk around it. You can get a kayak for around $200 or borrow one.
Let me know if you’re interested.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The funniest parts of that email are highlighted.
Patrick Reesby replies to all:
Count me in! Sounds like a blast.
I reply to all:
I'm in. I was not joking. actually mentioned it yesterday to someone in my office.
will: pick 2 or 3 weekends that work for you. reesby, and hopefully trey, and I can decide on one.
I'll pick you up in alex and bring you back to shreveport on a friday afternoon. you can park your truck close to the river.
will: pick 2 or 3 weekends that work for you. reesby, and hopefully trey, and I can decide on one.
I'll pick you up in alex and bring you back to shreveport on a friday afternoon. you can park your truck close to the river.
William replies to all and suggests August 2nd. Pertinent part contained below:
Awesome! I’m fired up about this. I wasn’t sure if anyone would do it.
Trey replies to all. (in pertinent part):
It does sound like a good time.
Ongoing discussions ensue: kayak purchasing, river navigability, the donning of helmets & life-vests, logistical planning, etc.
Patrick replies to all:
I’m pretty fired up, this should be a good time.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Side note: this turned out to be two of the worst days of my life, and Will will say the same.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Patrick replies to all:
………..or the dumbest thing we have ever done!
Will:
I’m with you on being fired up. I think something must be wrong with me.
Patrick:
I guess bringing beer would be a terrible idea, but it would be kind of fun to stop by any watering holes we come across.
Will:
I was wondering about beer. If we realize it is going to be easier than we think, I know someone in Natchitoches that could bring us beer when we pass through.
Trey, voice of reason:
I don’t think it’ll be very easy…but we’ll probably have to have some beer.
Josh, voice of pessimism:
my vote is to bring easily transportable money and buy beer if we stop for the night in colfax or something. it's gonna be hard, hot, and we're going to have to bring water which will already weigh us down.
paddling for 1 hour straight is pretty hard. we'll be paddling in the sun, all day. buy gloves.
paddling for 1 hour straight is pretty hard. we'll be paddling in the sun, all day. buy gloves.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Side note: We had no idea how bad this was going to suck. NO IDEA.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
There was even discussion of canoes vs. kayaks.
Will email to all:
I really hate any time over one hour I have ever spent in a canoe so I vote we stick with kayaks. We may look like dumba$$e$ going to the red in a kayak but we will look like nerds in canoes.
Josh email to all:canoes = total nerds.
kayaks = awesome if we act like we know what we're doing.
kayaks = awesome if we act like we know what we're doing.
TEST RUN: MONDAY, JULY 21, 2008
Email to all from Will:
I’m going 10 miles down the river after work today to time it. I’m confident we can make it in a weekend but my trip this afternoon will verify that. I went kayaking for about 2 hours yesterday in a lake. It takes about 20 minutes to get used to. I compare the comfort level to sitting in a car (one like my truck with 240,000 miles on it-not a luxury vehicle). I looked at maps and there are one or two turns that we could accidentally take but both routes end up in the same location-it would not require turning around and back tracking.
I agree that we have done way more dangerous things. I’ve ridden a bike from Alex to BR and had only been on a bike 5 times before and had never ridden more than 30 miles-I’m saying this to make the point that preparation is way overrated. My plan is that 2 weeks from now I’ll be sun burnt sitting at this desk sending out an email about a great trip.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Email to all from Will:
I’m going 10 miles down the river after work today to time it. I’m confident we can make it in a weekend but my trip this afternoon will verify that. I went kayaking for about 2 hours yesterday in a lake. It takes about 20 minutes to get used to. I compare the comfort level to sitting in a car (one like my truck with 240,000 miles on it-not a luxury vehicle). I looked at maps and there are one or two turns that we could accidentally take but both routes end up in the same location-it would not require turning around and back tracking.
I agree that we have done way more dangerous things. I’ve ridden a bike from Alex to BR and had only been on a bike 5 times before and had never ridden more than 30 miles-I’m saying this to make the point that preparation is way overrated. My plan is that 2 weeks from now I’ll be sun burnt sitting at this desk sending out an email about a great trip.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I read this email and make plans to be in Alexandria that day. I buy a kayak from Academy. $200. Paddle was $100 or so, but it looked really sweet: black handle, yellow paddles, light as a feather.
I emailed everyone:
I emailed everyone:
here's my paddle; academy in alex. has for $100; s'port dick's has for $150. It's a Carlisle Magic. contain your jealousy:
Monday evening around 6 pm, Will and I put our kayaks in the Red River in Alexandria. Test run: 10 miles down the river with plenty of daylight to spare, because this shouldn't take us more than an hour, hour-and-a-half, tops.
2 hours later, we're paddling in the dark. When we stopped paddling, our boats would literally stop. Then they would slowly turn sideways, sometimes turning 180 degrees and point upstream.
July 22, 2008, Josh email to all (the trip's distance gets cut in half):
9.25 miles per google earth. 2 hours, 50 minutes per my watch.
it will take us 2 days to get from s'port to natchitoches, or from natch to alexandria. colfax is a good spot to stop.
judging by yesterday's north-bound current, we may opt for a natchitoches to shreveport trip?
it will take us 2 days to get from s'port to natchitoches, or from natch to alexandria. colfax is a good spot to stop.
judging by yesterday's north-bound current, we may opt for a natchitoches to shreveport trip?
Will, still optimistic, emails all:
I’m going to test out a 10 mile run again this week going north bound. I was disappointed in our performance yesterday but hopefully northbound will be quicker and easier. I hate to admit it, but since there is no current, it looks like we will have to cut the trip in half. As Clayton said, be thinking about rather we would want to go Shrev. to Natch., Natch to Alex or Alex to Natch, Natch to Shrev.
TREY BACKS OUT. REESBY BACKS OUT.
Will, in a last ditch effort to save the trip, sends out one of the greatest emails of all time (aka "Will throws down the gauntlet"):
If anyone is still interested, here is my plan. First is to get another kayak like the one Clayton got. The one I bought is similar except that it feels like I am pulling a rock dragging on the bottom of the river. Next is to leave Sat morning from Alex or Natch and finish in Alex or Natch by noon on Sunday. Feel free to do part of the trip if you don’t want to do the entire length.
Which of the three scenarios listed below would be the easiest?
1. Exiting a Higgins boat on June 6, 1944 (D-Day). Before your first step in the freezing Mediterranean Sea, shots are already hitting against the side of the boat. Fellow comrades next to you are falling with every step. Once upon the beach, you must climb a 50 ft. concrete wall constructed by the enemy to make for an “easier” victory. You not only win this battle, which most thought was not possible, but forever take control of the most famous war and keep your nation’s freedom along with the world’s freedom.
2. Below freezing conditions, snow and ice, and no shoes or food. You are notified that your fellow comrades are in desperate need of fresh soldiers and ammunition. With this information, you march over 150 miles, non-stop, day and night, until you reach and then conquer the British for your freedom at the Battle of Valley Forge.
3. A leisure, for pleasure only, 60 mile kayak trip down the Red River that will take less than 36 hours and involves socializing with friends and possibly alcoholic beverages.
Which of the three scenarios listed below would be the easiest?
1. Exiting a Higgins boat on June 6, 1944 (D-Day). Before your first step in the freezing Mediterranean Sea, shots are already hitting against the side of the boat. Fellow comrades next to you are falling with every step. Once upon the beach, you must climb a 50 ft. concrete wall constructed by the enemy to make for an “easier” victory. You not only win this battle, which most thought was not possible, but forever take control of the most famous war and keep your nation’s freedom along with the world’s freedom.
2. Below freezing conditions, snow and ice, and no shoes or food. You are notified that your fellow comrades are in desperate need of fresh soldiers and ammunition. With this information, you march over 150 miles, non-stop, day and night, until you reach and then conquer the British for your freedom at the Battle of Valley Forge.
3. A leisure, for pleasure only, 60 mile kayak trip down the Red River that will take less than 36 hours and involves socializing with friends and possibly alcoholic beverages.
Josh heeds the call (WARNING: sexist comment ahead):
alright, eff the dumb &*^%. I'll go two days. and I'll go from natch to alexandria.
here's my plan: leave covington around 11, pack some stuff in hammond, get to alexandria before 5. we need to go to the grocery and to academy and get supplies, then pack a truck to drive to natch.
sat a.m.: drop off truck in alexandria, drive to natchitoches. put boat in water by 6:30.
sunday: bitch like a woman for 12 hours.
here's my plan: leave covington around 11, pack some stuff in hammond, get to alexandria before 5. we need to go to the grocery and to academy and get supplies, then pack a truck to drive to natch.
sat a.m.: drop off truck in alexandria, drive to natchitoches. put boat in water by 6:30.
sunday: bitch like a woman for 12 hours.
Will:
Hell yeah! The best part is the trip will be tougher than we can imagine.
Josh:
not a snowball's chance in hell that we'll finish before 5pm on sunday.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
SATURDAY, AUGUST 2, 2008: BOATS IN THE WATER
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| Foolishness. |
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| Naivete. |
Eventually, I look over at shirtless Will, and he's kind of slumped over. 104 degrees (http://www.wunderground.com/history/airport/KAEX/2008/8/2/DailyHistory.html?req_city=NA&req_state=NA&req_statename=NA)
Scalding misery. I ask Will if he's feeling alright - suggest we get out of the sun for an hour or so (during the hottest part of the day).
| Actual | Average | Record |
|---|
| Temperature | |||
| Mean Temperature | 91 °F | 84 °F | |
| Max Temperature | 104 °F | 94 °F | 107 °F (1998) |
| Min Temperature | 77 °F | 74 °F | 63 °F (1965) |
We pull our boats onto land, make our way under a barbed wire fence, and commence to lay out our sleeping mats for a mid-afternoon luncheon/nap. No joke. A nap. We set the alarms on our watches and everything.
Wake up. Keep going. 10 hours after this nightmare started, we are bombarded by waves coming against our boats in the opposite direction of our travels: the lock and dam at Colfax was opened up, unleashing additional misery to impede our progress. The nightmare continues. Pull our boats out of the water, start dragging them toward what looks to be our resting spot in Colfax. Day 1, finally over. Oh wait, William still has to do his daily run of 3 miles or more.
THE STREAK
Will can further elaborate on this topic, but he kept alive a running streak of 3-or-more miles per day, every day, that's EVERY DAY, for a period in excess of two years, maybe more. I was witness to a bachelor party in Talladega in the spring of 2007 where he kept this streak alive. He got some or all of his MBA during this streak (a degree which required twice-monthly weekend trips to Tulane in New Orleans, a 3-hour drive from his home). He went to China during this streak (I think a long plane flight required 2 separate runs on the date of his arrival, but I may have made this up). He went to Chile and possibly Argentina during this streak. And, he kayaked the Red River during this streak. I was there. I ran with him after day 1. We went for a 26+ minute run that we estimated to be around 3 miles. I did not run with him after the second day, but rest assured, he ran. "I'll end the streak when I want to end the streak, but I don't want something to make me end the streak, like a kayak trip."
COLFAX, AUGUST 2, 2008
A nice campground for RVs and Camper trailers awaited our arrival in Colfax, halfway between Natchitoches and Alexandria. Actual bathrooms, running water, a concrete pavillion with a rooftop over a concrete picnic area with a wonderful view of our favorite river.
We met some of the folks there, told them what we were doing, and they offered us beer, which we declined. We went for a run. We looked completely ridiculous.
Ate some of the tuna & salmon packs that we brought ("mmm, these are kinda good"). Very little could fit into the kayak dry-box. We packed almonds, Clif Bars, Power Bars, apples/oranges/bananas, and pouches of tuna and salmon. We had containers full of water that fit behind the seat of the kayak in the back of the hull - and by Colfax those containers were almost dried up.
Brush teeth, wash face, time to get the sleeping mats and mosquito net ready for sleep in the grass next to the pavillion. Rolled up fleece for a pillow. Asleep by 10:30.
1:30 or 2:00 a.m. Wake up with wind blowing all around us. Wind blowing our hats and sunglasses off the picnic tables and toward the river. T-shirts flying toward the water. We get up and race to get everything before it hits the water. Rain.
Move everything under the pavillion. Rain blowing in from the side of the pavillion, so the roof doesn't help. Everything soaked. Try to sleep on the downwind side of the kayak, under the pavillion, on the concrete, to keep from getting wet. Cold now, put the fleece on, roll up a shirt for a pillow. Soaked. Lightning. http://www.wunderground.com/history/airport/KAEX/2008/8/3/DailyHistory.html
| Time (CDT) | Temp. | Dew Point | Humidity | Sea Level Pressure | Visibility | Wind Dir | Wind Speed | Gust Speed | Precip | Events | Conditions |
|---|
| 12:53 AM | 84.0 °F | 75.0 °F | 74% | 29.89 in | 10.0 miles | Calm | Calm | - | N/A | Clear | |
| 1:53 AM | 82.0 °F | 75.9 °F | 82% | 29.90 in | 10.0 miles | Calm | Calm | - | N/A | Partly Cloudy | |
| 2:23 AM | 80.6 °F | 69.8 °F | 70% | 29.96 in | 9.0 miles | East | 29.9 mph | 42.6 mph | 0.01 in | Thunderstorm | Scattered Clouds |
| 2:47 AM | 73.4 °F | 68.0 °F | 83% | 29.98 in | 2.5 miles | ENE | 24.2 mph | 38.0 mph | 0.12 in | Rain , Thunderstorm | Heavy Thunderstorms and Rain |
| 2:53 AM | 72.0 °F | 68.0 °F | 87% | 30.00 in | 1.5 miles | ENE | 20.7 mph | 35.7 mph | 0.26 in | Rain , Thunderstorm | Heavy Thunderstorms and Rain |
| 2:59 AM | 71.6 °F | 69.8 °F | 94% | 30.00 in | 2.0 miles | ENE | 17.3 mph | 34.5 mph | 0.06 in | Rain , Thunderstorm | Heavy Thunderstorms and Rain |
| 3:16 AM | 71.6 °F | - | N/A% | 30.02 in | 4.0 miles | NE | 12.7 mph | 23.0 mph | 0.15 in | Rain , Thunderstorm | Thunderstorms and Rain |
| 3:24 AM | 71.6 °F | - | N/A% | 30.02 in | 6.0 miles | East | 13.8 mph | 27.6 mph | 0.18 in | Rain , Thunderstorm | Thunderstorms and Rain |
| 3:36 AM | 71.6 °F | - | N/A% | 30.00 in | 2.5 miles | East | 9.2 mph | - | 0.33 in | Rain , Thunderstorm | Heavy Thunderstorms and Rain |
| 3:38 AM | 71.6 °F | - | N/A% | 30.00 in | 3.0 miles | East | 8.1 mph | - | 0.34 in | Rain , Thunderstorm | Heavy Thunderstorms and Rain |
| 3:53 AM | 73.0 °F | - | N/A% | 29.96 in | 7.0 miles | SE | 13.8 mph | - | 0.40 in | Rain , Thunderstorm | Light Thunderstorms and Rain |
Man appears: "You boys okay?" Will: "Yessir, we're fine." Man: "You sure you don't want to come stay with us?" Will: "No thanks, we're okay." Man: "Alright, suit yourselves."
Me: "Sure was a nice guy to offer up his camper to us."
Will: "That was my dad." I was completely out of it - I had met his dad numerous times, but had no idea that Man was his dad. I was half asleep during this whole conversation.
Me: "Wait, you mean . . ."
Will: "Yeah, he was offering to take us home."
Me: "We could have ended this thing right now?"
Will: "Yeah."
Me: "I'm glad I didn't know that was him."
DAY 2: COLFAX TO ALEXANDRIA
1,000,000 words in pictures:
Before we reached the finish line, we would endure yet another lightning storm. Almost an hour from our stopping point in Alexandria (mind you, this is only about 2 or 3 miles), we had to pull the boats out of the water, lie in the mud, and let the storm pass over. Icing on the cake.
We finished in the afternoon on Sunday August 3rd. Even positioning ourselves for the finish-line picture was pure misery:
POSTSCRIPT
During planning emails for another kayak trip down a river in Arkansas two months later (that never materialized), I sent out this Reminder Email:
"I may never get in a kayak again"
--William Albritton, Saturday, August 2, 2008, 11:45 a.m.
"This is f**** horrible. I hate this s***. Worst idea ever. Seriously, what the f*** were we thinking? Worst trip ever."
--Josh Clayton
Saturday and Sunday, August 2 and 3, 2008.
often.
--William Albritton, Saturday, August 2, 2008, 11:45 a.m.
"This is f**** horrible. I hate this s***. Worst idea ever. Seriously, what the f*** were we thinking? Worst trip ever."
--Josh Clayton
Saturday and Sunday, August 2 and 3, 2008.
often.
